Miscellaneous Visa-Holder Types
Stolen off the 'net sometime in the distant past.
F-1
The most commonly seen deshi variety. Announces his presence in yankland by a message on the bulletin board called sci (Source Can't be Identified), "Looking for Bajji: Bajji, where are you? Last seen in vishakhapatnam mental hospital". A detail study of this variety is done by Dr(honorary). Ramesh Mahadevan (sociologist or anthropologist or what?). Author particularly refers to the case study of a specimen called Ajay Palvaynteeswaran (damn spelling).

F-2
Spouse of F-1. Most probably an engineer. (Boy, it puzzles me. How come F-1s manage to get engineers for spouses considering that dude engineers in India are never equal to dudette engineers?). Can also be BComs, BScs or high school pass or failed with big, fat dowry.

Yet to see a male variety of this species.

J-1
Works in a public sector or one of the CSIR labs. Manages a trip to America on public money under the guise of a no-credit-hour-crash-course in some damn topic in some univ. Hitch hikes every evening to local K-mart or Walmart but rarely buys anything, because when he sees the price tag he first converts the $s to rupees and multiplies it with 300% custom's duty. Opens his mouth wide open and proceeds to the next article. Whomever he meets, the first question is, is it better to buy a VCR here or at Dubai or Singapore on the way back home? Insists on taking pictures everywhere, in front of the coke machine, inside and outside of McDonalds etc. He needs to show all these photographs followed by a lecture on the coke machine, to all his neighbours and colleagues in India.

H-1
Previously F-1. Wonders how F-1s can live 'n' number per apartment. Owns a Toyota Corolla or Honda Accord (95% confidence Intervals). Fully satisfied with his car. Starts discussion with new immigration laws, labor, Monterry, multiple entry, cut off dates, etc.

H-1 Multiple Entry
Managed to get a leave of 24 days and goes home. His mom shows two albums full of photos of prospective brides of H-1 multiple. Rejects all. Interviews 28 girls in 22 days. Time is running out. Now or Never. Last interviewee looks okay. Hitch. No big dowry.

(Conscience: Hurry up, if you don't use this opportunity you will not leave for the next three years). Okay. H-1 multiple becomes an idealist. No dowry. Just befor the muhurat, he thinks, "Album #2, Photo #13 looks better than this girl. Pch. Anyway, I am getting married. YaaaHooooooo...!!!!. Scene changes. H-1 multiple comes back to US. After two months: He looks at the telephone bill. International calls to India. Total $606.01. Closes all the windows and doors of the apartment. Cris aloud "Mujhe meri bibi chahiye, kaerrrrrr, baerrrrrr". (I want my beloved wife, I can't wait). Joins the "Mujhe Meri bibise milao andolan". Starts a letter writing campaign for the same cause. AT&T announces a new plan. "Reach out Bibi". You pay $3 when you are an F-1 and you will get a 2% discount when are a certified member of the above said andolan.

H-4
She has seen H-1 multiple a couple of years back for a day or two for interview and then wedding. After 2 years finally comes to America. Sees a couple of guys with bouquets in the airport. She thinks, "the guy with bald head looks funny. Oh no, he is hugging me. Oh, is he my hubby. What happened to his hair? His head looks and glows like a sylvania-laxman bulb!!!". (Illayaraja's music for mixed feelings in the background). Any way, she manages a smile and touches his feet. Whatever maybe her background (B.Tech, BSc home science, MA anthropology etc.), she gets applications for MS in Comp. Sci. from nearby univs and the hubby encourages her to pursue education in the above said field.

Green Card (Male)
A couple of kids. Resents people calling his kids ABCDs. Starts small talk with "down payment for new house, school districts, taxes etc." Thinks he understands baseball rules.

Green Card (Female)
Couple of kids. Resents being called "auntie" by the FOB (Fresh Off the Boat) F-1 from nearby damn university. Starts discussion, "kids, cost of diapers, Texas saree palace, Macy's, gold price difference in USA/India".

P-1 (Pallu visa)
He just completed his MBBS. Desperately wanted to come US of A. Marries an ABCD. Uski pallu pakadke aaya. (Held tight to her saree and sailed to US of A). FiL (Father-in-Law) gives him an old station wagon. MiL (Mother-in-Law) asks him to run errands. Go to indian grocery store, get milk etc. Cries insult. Decide to study hard for ECFMG or whatever and plans to suck money from sick and non-sick patients.

S-1 (Saala Visa)
Green Card (female) manages hubby to sponsor her good-for-nothing-naalayak brother for greeen card. S-1 lands in ishtates. Finds work at the indian grocery store or indian restaurant. Bugs his BiL (Brother-in-Law) to loan him $10,000 to open a convenience store or an ice cream shop. BiL sheds tears and the money. Two years later S-1 is still moving toor-dal bags in the grocery store.

I-1 (Illegal and best)
Gets on a ship as a deckhand in Bombay. One and a half years later, sneaks into US through Canada somehow. Mostly found in Northeast or Southwest of US of A, in the gas stations with a big smile and shouting "Haanji, aap kahan ke hain?" Establishes with the INS, that he is working in the gas station of California farmland for the past 13 years and gets a green card less $2,000 lawyer fees.

B-1 Bullshit Visa
He bullshits to TCS or whoever body-shopped him here that he'll render his services faithfully to the company, but tells his jigri dosts to find an opening in their companies. Piles on in their apartment and refuses to even consider going back home. The only chap in the whole gang who is not homesick!